onlysayinghello: ([adam] Struggle for Survival)
Things that I love about Adam

- He let me save him.
- He turned a random visit to New York to see a parade into so much more
- He trusts me
- He allows me to love him the only way I know how
- His smile, it's not just the slight wicked curve it has to it either, though I do appreciate that. It's more how when it's barely there I can still see it in his eyes.
- His eyes. I thought mine were nice? His I can't help but meet whenever I see him.
- The almost embarrassed flush he gets when I catch him playing with the cat
- I know it's difficult for him to see things the way I do, and he is patient with me when it comes to those times. We have open discussion and I forgive him regardless of what it is, and he lets me forgive him. Which in of itself I know is hard for others to understand.
- He understands what I do.
- I'll never have to watch him grow old and die.
- He has a lot going on, and I know that, but he forgives me when I don't take the time to remember.
- He's younger than me. Which until earlier this year wasn't true, which is why I have to mention it now. Because pushing 2200 and he's still with me.
- He actually knows about me, and my past and the things I've had to do and doesn't judge.
- He's remarkable in countless ways that I wish I had the words to list.
- I don't have to guard myself around him.
- We can actually share stories and pull similarities in each others pasts.
- When the day has felt like 2000 years coming home to him is the only thing on my mind.
- He knows what it feels like to lose a sibling and doesn't fault me for my mistakes with my brother
- Loss and love shouldn't go hand in hand, but for the both of us it does
- He's beautiful, both in body and in his heart even if he doesn't see it the way I do
- He goes toe to toe with me on the sarcastic banter and it's one hell of a turn on
- He makes me forget.
- He makes me want to remember.
- He loves me and I know it's not the easiest thing to do, but I appreciate him for staying.
onlysayinghello: ([adam] Struggle for Survival)

[Struggle for Survival - a Jack Harkness / Adam Monroe Playlist - 18 songs]
[sendspace - 116mb]

Song List + Information )

[Also? I was a moron and in my haste to get this done and sorted? I relabeled it wrong and marked the Album as Struggle for Surival forgetting the extra V. SO if you put it into iTunes? Please change it so that I don't look like a moron each time you listen to it? Thanks!]
onlysayinghello: ([expressive] cheeky smile)
London had been a good break, for Jack and for Adam. Of course there was still a lot to be said for not exactly dealing with the issues at hand still, but Jack wasn't actually overly concerned about the past for the moment. He knew truthfully too well how it felt to be judged by prior actions, and he thought that if they could just move forward into the new year and deal with things as they came up, face each issue as it actually impacted their lives it might work for their benefit. It wasn't that Jack didn't trust Adam either, in fact due to the holidays and everything that they had spoken of Jack had more trust in Adam than he had before, and it was that exact sentiment that allowed him to continue hoping that he wasn't making a huge err in judgement.

He'd spend his days and sometimes nights at Torchwood, trying to still regain the trust of his people after he'd left them not just the once when he spent a year away that no one else remembered, but recently too. Off to Japan without much warning, a week around the holiday to London. Of course the holiday wasn't minded by the rest of them, but still he knew that given everything that had been going on for them, he was asking a lot in faith from them.

Thankfully New Years Eve was a night that Jack had already assured everyone they could take off early. In fact the case they'd been working on was wrapped up by a little after three in the afternoon and after two hours of them mostly bouncing their knees in anticipation to leave Jack just let them go.

Often there had been moments more recently where Jack had to wonder what Adam did all day. He knew the flat wasn't exactly the best place to spend all his time, and he hoped that he got out, and tried to see Cardiff, to see people the way Jack now saw them, that it wasn't entirely hopeless, and that there was a lot of redemption going on... not just in Jack himself.

Putting his coat on once more Jack headed out the doors of the Tourism shop and took the short drive from the Hub to his flat and shut the door behind him. His keys were placed on the hook near the door and he kept his jacket on as he moved through the flat, "Hey... did we have plans for tonight? Cause I've got an idea."
onlysayinghello: ([emote] torn up over it)
Distracted was putting it mildly, and he knew that everyone at the Hub could see it too. Of course it wasn't as if he had much to divulge to them. There were the glances though, burning gazes at the back of his head that the moment he turned to face them snapped away as if caught doing something they knew they shouldn't be doing.

He thought for sure that Gwen would question him, all her needing to know just what made him tick, it had to be eating at her to see him so out of his element. Yet there he was seated at his desk in the Hub trying not to think about the fact that there was a four hundred year old man at his flat, that had been buried alive... and that Jack had grown a bit more than fond of him. Of course all the unanswered questions were inching up in his conscious as well. None of it made any of it any easier.

Still he'd just taken off. Flight to Japan and back again without so much as an explanation as to just what had gone on. It was routine for Jack, they should have been aware of it by now, that not every thing he did had an answer available to give, even to them. It was better for them, or at least that was what he convinced himself of. Glancing to the clock he was relieved that it had been a slow day, well relatively slow at least. Owen was off looking into something or another and the rest of the cases had been tied up for a few days now. Jack could have taken time off, he could have just rested up, stayed in bed and taken care of things for Adam.

Instead he felt torn... because he wasn't sure what to even think, and having Adam in his flat... around him all the time wasn't helping him keep a clear head on it all. So the time apart was something he needed, and he knew Adam needed it as well. A time to just be alone and not with anyone around him to ask questions that Jack knew wouldn't be easy to answer. Questions Jack knew he had more than a few of.

Standing up he grabbed his coat off the rack and said his good nights to Tosh, telling her not to stay too late. He stopped and picked up something for dinner and then headed up to his flat. Keys slid into the door and his toe pushed it open, hands still holding the food. A few steps into the room and his foot nudged the door shut behind him before the food was placed on the counter. The chill in the room surrounded him, even with his big coat, but he didn't actually mind. Temperatures didn't seem to phase him these days, and he could see the slight flush to Adam's cheeks proof that once more he had been standing in the cold. It was the moments like this, where Jack saw something he hated seeing in anyone, and it was that exact reason why Jack knew he was right going into work.

It pulled at him, tugging him in so many different directions he wasn't even sure which way was up, let alone right. All he saw was the despair and the half empty gaze from across the room. Jack let his eyes meet Adam's and in that silence Jack wished he already had all the answers, but he knew he was far from that moment... so far he couldn't even think what the horizon looked like.

"You didn't have to shut that," Jack's words cut across the cold of the room before he started to move toward Adam. "The window, I mean."
onlysayinghello: ([casual] sexy - underwear)
Thursday was a loss. Well not entirely a loss, but the day had slipped by them and they'd only been out of the hotel room the morning of. The rest of the had been spent ordering food in, laughing and trying to find stories that could top the others. Of course Jack did have an advantage of the travels with the Doctor, but it barely scraped the surface of four-hundred years worth of tales. Still it was worth the effort, and as the day shifted to night and they moved from the bed to the couch, back to the bed more than a few times it was evident that the day was going to be a loss, and one both of them didn't mind taking.

So waking up in the hours of what some could consider the late morning Jack stretched beside Adam sleeping beside him, feeling the slight heavy weight of an arm across his side. His hand took hold of the wrist easing it off of him as he slipped from the bed rubbing at the back of his head. A glance to the mirror above the dresser made him nearly laugh at how his hair happened to be in quite a disarray of sorts. Jack moved to the bathroom rinsing his hands and splashing cool water on his face and letting it run through his hair a bit getting it at the very least to stop sticking up so much in the back. He brushed his teeth too trying to rid his mouth of the slight sting of the alcohol that still lingered at the back of his throat.

He used the bathroom as well, realizing quickly just how much they'd drank through the night, and washed his hands once more before returning to the room. Kneeling onto the bed he shifted until he was beside Adam, letting his fingers trace through his hair until he stirred awake, "See now that's the perfect thing to see in the morning."

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August 2010

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