Adam lifted his hand to curl around Jack's at his jaw, still holding tightly to the other. The touches helped steady him. The fact that Jack hadn't lashed out, hadn't pushed him away--it helped. He wasn't sure what to say, what words there were. Jack sounded as lost as he felt, wondering, always, what came next.
To think you knew that, to think you had some idea of it, then find it ripped away and everything changed...he understood that on some level.
"I don't know what comes next," he said, softly, meaning in life, in time, with them, with Hiro, with the world. "I don't...I never thought of failure. I couldn't afford to. I didn't count on Hiro being there, ready to stand in my way, yet again."
He let his eyes slowly travel over Jack's face, resting on his lips. "I wasn't ready for that, for this, for...freedom in a world where things continue to crumble to dust at an alarmingly slow rate, and ..." He shook his head a little. "Events change. The people and places and names change. But at its core, nothing really does, Jack. The world goes on as it always has and people are as they have always been. No one learns, no one remembers, no one..." He trailed off, aware he was trembling again and hating himself for it.
Taking what he hoped was a steadying breath, he shifted just a bit closer to Jack. The heat of the shower was sliding away and being replaced by the ice of the room he'd let get cold. Chest and feet still bare, adding to the emotional insecurity, he was shivering. At least he wanted to blame it on the cold, rather than need, a desperate need to make someone, anyone, understand. Linderman had. Angela had. Arthur had. Before they twisted back on him and changed their minds and chickened out, they'd understood. It had been so long, and part of him knew Jack never would, not really, but he needed him to, so knowledge and need warred.
"It needs to change. Something has to, eventually, and it will be drastic and chaotic and out of control with no vision for what comes after, no plan to rebuild, nothing in place to clean up and move forward. The world is spinning madly toward its own destruction. It needs saving."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2007-12-07 09:09 am (UTC)To think you knew that, to think you had some idea of it, then find it ripped away and everything changed...he understood that on some level.
"I don't know what comes next," he said, softly, meaning in life, in time, with them, with Hiro, with the world. "I don't...I never thought of failure. I couldn't afford to. I didn't count on Hiro being there, ready to stand in my way, yet again."
He let his eyes slowly travel over Jack's face, resting on his lips. "I wasn't ready for that, for this, for...freedom in a world where things continue to crumble to dust at an alarmingly slow rate, and ..." He shook his head a little. "Events change. The people and places and names change. But at its core, nothing really does, Jack. The world goes on as it always has and people are as they have always been. No one learns, no one remembers, no one..." He trailed off, aware he was trembling again and hating himself for it.
Taking what he hoped was a steadying breath, he shifted just a bit closer to Jack. The heat of the shower was sliding away and being replaced by the ice of the room he'd let get cold. Chest and feet still bare, adding to the emotional insecurity, he was shivering. At least he wanted to blame it on the cold, rather than need, a desperate need to make someone, anyone, understand. Linderman had. Angela had. Arthur had. Before they twisted back on him and changed their minds and chickened out, they'd understood. It had been so long, and part of him knew Jack never would, not really, but he needed him to, so knowledge and need warred.
"It needs to change. Something has to, eventually, and it will be drastic and chaotic and out of control with no vision for what comes after, no plan to rebuild, nothing in place to clean up and move forward. The world is spinning madly toward its own destruction. It needs saving."