Adam let his fingers curl slowly back around Jack's, trying not to cling, but just to hold them. He watched where their hands met, frowning a little at the strange sensation. Everything Hiro had said....he hadn't denied a word of it. Jack had to know that it was bad, whatever the answers were.
Adam still didn't think he had been wrong, but he wasn't so insane as to not realize that not everyone was going to see it that way. Jack would never understand it, he thought. Never condone it. His fingers tightened on Jack's, with a flash of unaccustomed fear. He'd spent 400 years alone, moving through countries and wars and cities like a ghost. Thirty years before he'd tried, for the first time, to bring people together, to have more than men under his command, but instead a group of people at least somewhat like him who understood.
They turned on him. It didn't lend itself to him wanting to trust, to put any reliance in Jack or that the sincere look he was giving him might be actually sincere. To tell him anything would be risking losing that, and Jack would have reason to, as well, at least in his mind. But if he told him, and he stayed...he struggled to push back the little whisper of hope that brushed over him against the threat of continued loneliness, looking out at the dark of eternity stretching on interminably.
"Sober, then..." Though that made a flash of fear slice through him again. "What...I want to tell you." That might have been a slight exaggeration, but he couldn't stay here, lying next to him at night, drifting through his house, with the questions between them. He had to talk, or he would have to go, and he wasn't ready to go. "I just don't know where to start. What do you ... What questions...if you ask, it will give me somewhere to start to answer."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2007-12-07 06:24 am (UTC)Adam still didn't think he had been wrong, but he wasn't so insane as to not realize that not everyone was going to see it that way. Jack would never understand it, he thought. Never condone it. His fingers tightened on Jack's, with a flash of unaccustomed fear. He'd spent 400 years alone, moving through countries and wars and cities like a ghost. Thirty years before he'd tried, for the first time, to bring people together, to have more than men under his command, but instead a group of people at least somewhat like him who understood.
They turned on him. It didn't lend itself to him wanting to trust, to put any reliance in Jack or that the sincere look he was giving him might be actually sincere. To tell him anything would be risking losing that, and Jack would have reason to, as well, at least in his mind. But if he told him, and he stayed...he struggled to push back the little whisper of hope that brushed over him against the threat of continued loneliness, looking out at the dark of eternity stretching on interminably.
"Sober, then..." Though that made a flash of fear slice through him again. "What...I want to tell you." That might have been a slight exaggeration, but he couldn't stay here, lying next to him at night, drifting through his house, with the questions between them. He had to talk, or he would have to go, and he wasn't ready to go. "I just don't know where to start. What do you ... What questions...if you ask, it will give me somewhere to start to answer."