Adam leaned into his touch, his lips wanting to linger against Jack's, to breathe him in and pull him closer and let it be there, between them. He hadn't realized how much Jack already knew, how their live were once again...his life was once again one in the history books. It was almost funny, in a way that made the little bits of hysteria that were so close to the surface want to bubble over. That sort of funny, then.
That it had been supposed to happen twisted around in his gut, mingling with the rising hysteria. They all thought they were being so sly and clever and yet events were just there, always around and he wondered if they'd fixed them or if he was always supposed to fail so miserably.
"Four hundred years ago a time traveler appeared in feudal Japan. I was a mercenary and a drunk, with no sense of my own power. I chose a symbol, a name. Takezo Kensei--Sword Saint. And a symbol. 'Godsend.' Then this boy appeared and told me I was a legend. That I was supposed to save Japan, and marry a girl who wanted nothing to do with me at the time. I didn't believe him, so he went off and saved the girl, disguised in my armor, my mask. He pushed me toward deed after deed after that, creating the history he once read in a book. He convinced me that I loved her. I had to, of course, because it was history. So, I convinced myself that I must, as well. Then, while I was saving her father's life from a bandit...he betrayed me. I did not react...well." His voice was soft, pain lacing through it, even now. "He betrayed me and then he left me there, alone, a villain, not the hero he swore I was."
Adam's eyes closed, for a moment.
"He taught me to love and he taught me to hate and he showed me what I was, and swore I was meant to play a great part in history, then he stole the part and the girl I never wanted and there was nothing left."
He looked at Jack again, open, vulnerable and yet somehow still distant, still that wall. "I watched the world tear itself apart for the last 400 years. I walked it alone. I saw death and destruction and nothing ever improving. Humanity has fallen to a depravity of soul that no one can fix. But it was fixed, wasn't it? Your future...it sounds so much better than anything the world has now." There was a bit of a light now, a fervor of belief. "I wanted to fix it. To give the world a fresh start, like the flood. To save it from itself and start a new world of peace and equality.." He broke off, too tired for all the justifications, though his eyes plead with Jack to understand.
"You heard what Hiro said," Adam said, softly, taking a breath. "He didn't lie, this time, no matter what he said about Japan and that fucking woman. I was there to start it."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2007-12-07 08:15 am (UTC)That it had been supposed to happen twisted around in his gut, mingling with the rising hysteria. They all thought they were being so sly and clever and yet events were just there, always around and he wondered if they'd fixed them or if he was always supposed to fail so miserably.
"Four hundred years ago a time traveler appeared in feudal Japan. I was a mercenary and a drunk, with no sense of my own power. I chose a symbol, a name. Takezo Kensei--Sword Saint. And a symbol. 'Godsend.' Then this boy appeared and told me I was a legend. That I was supposed to save Japan, and marry a girl who wanted nothing to do with me at the time. I didn't believe him, so he went off and saved the girl, disguised in my armor, my mask. He pushed me toward deed after deed after that, creating the history he once read in a book. He convinced me that I loved her. I had to, of course, because it was history. So, I convinced myself that I must, as well. Then, while I was saving her father's life from a bandit...he betrayed me. I did not react...well." His voice was soft, pain lacing through it, even now. "He betrayed me and then he left me there, alone, a villain, not the hero he swore I was."
Adam's eyes closed, for a moment.
"He taught me to love and he taught me to hate and he showed me what I was, and swore I was meant to play a great part in history, then he stole the part and the girl I never wanted and there was nothing left."
He looked at Jack again, open, vulnerable and yet somehow still distant, still that wall. "I watched the world tear itself apart for the last 400 years. I walked it alone. I saw death and destruction and nothing ever improving. Humanity has fallen to a depravity of soul that no one can fix. But it was fixed, wasn't it? Your future...it sounds so much better than anything the world has now." There was a bit of a light now, a fervor of belief. "I wanted to fix it. To give the world a fresh start, like the flood. To save it from itself and start a new world of peace and equality.." He broke off, too tired for all the justifications, though his eyes plead with Jack to understand.
"You heard what Hiro said," Adam said, softly, taking a breath. "He didn't lie, this time, no matter what he said about Japan and that fucking woman. I was there to start it."