Feb. 20th, 2008

onlysayinghello: ([10] railings)
Denial had been his friend for almost a good hundred years. Thinking that eventually something would click inside of him and it'd go back to the way it was. That when it fell into place, that final cog in his eternal machine clicked against the right chain or the right connection was made, that it would all make sense again. That the life he had now, this infinite never ending chasm of darkness and light would be worth something, that it would mean something. He needed some sort of purpose, to be told that it was all for a reason. Left out of his time to put him right in the right spot and some cataclysmic moment to be the dashing hero to save the day.

It happened enough times before though that he wondered if maybe he'd missed out on the shining moment and was now just stuck. So he waited for the next moment, and the next one, and each one that came after that. Every time he died to be brought back, every time he saved the girl or made the right choice he kept thinking this could be it. This could be the last time.

The words though made it so final.

"You're an impossible thing Jack."

Just like that it was over. No reprieve waiting for him. No shining moment beyond each and every heroic attempt he had already made, or would make in the future. No one to fix him, or make things just... better. Standing there sharing that grin with The Doctor lit red from the lights he knew that maybe he already was fixed... it just wasn't exactly what he had been expecting. He'd been fixed a while back, turned from the con man to the hero, from the sly one with all the moves to... well somethings never change.

Still deep down the moment when it all was going to click together had come and gone so long ago that Jack barely realized it when he took in that first new breath. That was the spot. That was when it all clicked, because that was when he truly became the man he was meant to be.

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onlysayinghello

August 2010

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