[Cardiff] The solace and the silence.

[onlysayinghello]

Distracted was putting it mildly, and he knew that everyone at the Hub could see it too. Of course it wasn't as if he had much to divulge to them. There were the glances though, burning gazes at the back of his head that the moment he turned to face them snapped away as if caught doing something they knew they shouldn't be doing.

He thought for sure that Gwen would question him, all her needing to know just what made him tick, it had to be eating at her to see him so out of his element. Yet there he was seated at his desk in the Hub trying not to think about the fact that there was a four hundred year old man at his flat, that had been buried alive... and that Jack had grown a bit more than fond of him. Of course all the unanswered questions were inching up in his conscious as well. None of it made any of it any easier.

Still he'd just taken off. Flight to Japan and back again without so much as an explanation as to just what had gone on. It was routine for Jack, they should have been aware of it by now, that not every thing he did had an answer available to give, even to them. It was better for them, or at least that was what he convinced himself of. Glancing to the clock he was relieved that it had been a slow day, well relatively slow at least. Owen was off looking into something or another and the rest of the cases had been tied up for a few days now. Jack could have taken time off, he could have just rested up, stayed in bed and taken care of things for Adam.

Instead he felt torn... because he wasn't sure what to even think, and having Adam in his flat... around him all the time wasn't helping him keep a clear head on it all. So the time apart was something he needed, and he knew Adam needed it as well. A time to just be alone and not with anyone around him to ask questions that Jack knew wouldn't be easy to answer. Questions Jack knew he had more than a few of.

Standing up he grabbed his coat off the rack and said his good nights to Tosh, telling her not to stay too late. He stopped and picked up something for dinner and then headed up to his flat. Keys slid into the door and his toe pushed it open, hands still holding the food. A few steps into the room and his foot nudged the door shut behind him before the food was placed on the counter. The chill in the room surrounded him, even with his big coat, but he didn't actually mind. Temperatures didn't seem to phase him these days, and he could see the slight flush to Adam's cheeks proof that once more he had been standing in the cold. It was the moments like this, where Jack saw something he hated seeing in anyone, and it was that exact reason why Jack knew he was right going into work.

It pulled at him, tugging him in so many different directions he wasn't even sure which way was up, let alone right. All he saw was the despair and the half empty gaze from across the room. Jack let his eyes meet Adam's and in that silence Jack wished he already had all the answers, but he knew he was far from that moment... so far he couldn't even think what the horizon looked like.

"You didn't have to shut that," Jack's words cut across the cold of the room before he started to move toward Adam. "The window, I mean."

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[onlysayinghello.livejournal.com]

Jack caught himself watching Adam change, even though he'd seen it all before it wasn't like he'd ever get sick of looking. Flashing a smirk to Adam about his reference to just how much he had in his closets he shrugged, "Despite only wearing pretty much the same thing day in and day out for a while, I happened to find comfort in knowing that I actually could wear something else if I wanted to."

Jack spoke as he unbuttoned the aforementioned shirt that was just like the other three dozen in his closet. Tugging suspenders off shoulders and letting them hang against his hips he shrugged his shirt off laying it against the dresser. Opening a drawer Jack pulled out a tank, knowing the cold wouldn't bother him as soon as he got used to it, and then a pair of pajama bottoms from a drawer for him as well. Pants came off, and for once he was actually wearing underwear. It was a rarity but Gwen had a lead on something in a swamp, and after the tiny eels in Suria, he knew that water was not his lower halves friend when working on a job.

Tying the drawstrings a bit loose Jack moved beside Adam once more, taking him in his arms for a moment pressing a kiss against the slope of his neck, before leading him toward the bed. It had all the makings of going to be a bit more than just a night in bed, but it was really all Jack even had the energy for. Tugging everything back off the bed, Jack eased in moving to the far side so that he might allow Adam the space he needed.

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Adam watched out of the sides of his eyes, smiling just a little, both at Jack and the normalcy of it all. Back to normal, to domesticity, to something he remembered reading about before, but which he hadn't touched, hadn't felt in a very long time. He could remember when, but he wouldn't, pushing thoughts aside that might soften parts of him he still wanted hard and sharp.

"Yes, well. It's still quite the collection. I never got in the habit, but perhaps you'll inspire me." Perhaps to more things than clothes shopping. It hung there, but he didn't say it, instead sliding into the bed next to Jack and tugging the blankets up, half-huddling under them as if external warmth could reach the internal chill.

He allowed himself the weakness of curling close to the other man, sliding one arm around him in a way that could almost be called snuggling, though Adam would probably snarl at anyone who tried to call it that. It was a strange sort of fast-intimacy that had sprung up around them, around the situation, around their lives as they twined together and parts of it still confused him. But Jack being close was oddly comforting, despite the fact that he knew far too well that Hiro or Peter one could both pop in her, freeze time, and take him before Jack could react. He had to trust that they wouldn't, relax into the comfort of the other man's presence, and believe.

It was a hard thing to do.

[onlysayinghello.livejournal.com]

The bed shifted slightly under their shared weight, a quieter time shared between the two compared to the prior night where it was merely a matter of getting Adam to bed and himself to the couch for the few hours of sleep he could afford before he had to leave for work. Now it seemed like the start of a routine, the state of something actually resembling reality... and it comforted him.

As Adam moved toward him Jack welcomed the closeness, that odd calm that had settled around them. It was a welcome reprieve from the distress and overwhelming fear that things weren't as simple as he was letting them be. He didn't want to care though, he didn't want to allow his mind to flood with all the questions and what ifs of the moment. Instead he let Adam move in, winding an arm against him, and allowing that closeness, that intimacy that felt natural for them all things considered. Jack felt that it was because of their similarity, that common thread wound tight around their lives made the little details less important in the long run, because for them it could be a very long run.

Jack allowed himself this moment, trying not to cloud it with other doubts, to just actually have something to hold onto, someone that in the morning would still be worth something to him. His hand strayed through Adam's hair, just trying to keep the silence, and hoping that maybe Adam would actually fall to sleep and get more than a few hours between the touch and go of reality.

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Adam let his eyes close, breathing Jack in as he curled closer to him. He let his head shift closer on the pillow, under the brush of Jack's fingers. It was a comforting touch, a comforting closeness, no matter how scary the comfort was.

He consciously slowed his breath, trying to drift toward something resembling relaxation. He'd slept a bit on the plane, exhaustion taking over, but he kept waking fast and frightened. The night before, once Jack left the room, he'd stared at the ceiling. But his body was exhausted, trauma and relief mingling to make him shaky almost with it. He wanted to sleep and he was terrified of it at the same time. Afraid of the darkness behind his eyes, and the cold that was waiting underneath consciousness.

But here, with Jack, it was warm and safe. He shifted until his head was almost on Jack's shoulder, pressed close against him, welcoming his warmth, the solid presence there next to him. His fingers curled a little in Jack's top, then released, then curled again, holding on reflexively.

[onlysayinghello.livejournal.com]

Feeling all the tension still in the body resting against his Jack couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt for making everything between them a bit too distressing. He knew he wasn't to blame for what Adam had done, or thought he should have done, and the exact details of that were still a bit hazy, but he knew that it was too soon to try and understand it all. He felt it too, that they had gone from one thing so rapidly into another that neither of them were ready for any of it.

More than anything in the moment Jack wanted to take away all that tension, he wanted to assure Adam that things weren't always going to be this difficult, in fact if he could help it he'd prefer them to be a lot simpler. As the fist shifted in his shirt slightly and his own hand strayed against the nape of Adam's neck he couldn't help himself. It was hard to resist the body beside his warming up, nor the clean scent of shampoo in his hair. Each motion closer to him made Jack's heart beat a bit deeper, slowing everything down for his body.

Jack let his hand slip from the nape of Adam's neck and draw against his jaw, light touches ushered and guided Adam's mouth to his own where a soft kiss started, but a deeper one took over. He had every intent of simply laying there beside Adam, letting him try to sleep or at least give the thought to it, but Jack was Jack... and Adam was right there.

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The kiss took Adam by surprise, but it was a welcome surprise. He shifted to meet Jack's mouth, lips parting for his kiss with a soft sigh as he kissed him back. His fingers still clutched at Jack's shirt, but he forced his hand to open, smoothing lightly over the shirt, feeling the lines of Jack's side underneath.

It was a kiss, but it was more. It was comforting, and there was a tinge of exhilaration there, too. A reaffirmation of connection and life, real and warm and beating against him, blood pumping in response to the touch of Jack's lips, the light trace of his fingers on Adam's jaw. Every touch reminded him that he was here, that Jack was here, that he was safe and warming and had somewhere to be.

He murmured Jack's name, soft with a soft plea, into the kiss, then deepened his kiss, tongue tangling with Jack's with a shivering desperation. His fingers slid up into Jack's hair, needing to hold him, to know he was there.

[onlysayinghello.livejournal.com]

Even if all his intentions had been honorable, even if he hadn't been hoping for something to escalate into a more physical act, Jack still was always taken aback by the passion that could meet his own efforts. That small truth that in these moments Jack felt as if Adam held nothing back from him, that despite all the wrongs versus rights that this was the one thing that had nothing to be misused. It was the purest thing between the two of them, and neither wanted to let the one connection they had, although purely physical, be cluttered with everything else around them.

The fingertips against his scalp, the pressure of Adam's tongue against his own was enough to let Jack sigh into the kiss a bit deeper than he'd anticipated. Breathing him in, a bit louder than he'd wanted but still it filled his senses with Adam, and with thoughts of New York, and of a parade he'd missed yet again. The need and distinct urgency of needing something now pulled him back into that moment when everything wasn't hindered by knowledge or questions... it was just the two of them.

Hearing the murmur of his name between parting lips Jack felt his chest ache for a moment, drawing in a breath and clinging to the man beside him. His own hand stayed against the strong jaw of Adam, thumb grazing against his chin every so often, easing his mouth open so that Jack could deepen his kiss further. The other pressed between the bed and Adam's side, until it could find purchase against his back, pressing him closer to his body, and closer to where Jack knew the warmth of his own body could permeate the chill that Adam still had upon him.

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Adam pressed closer, feeling like he could melt into the heat that Jack was giving off. It seeped inside him to all the cold places until he wanted to just be a part of it for a moment longer, and then a moment after that as well. If he could, perhaps the rest could really go away. The stress of failure, the rudderless existence creeping back on him in a way it hadn't in 400 years. The feel of the grave close around him and the darkness on the other side that seemed to merge with that inside of him.

All of it could just melt, he thought, flowing out of him and away, somewhere, leaving him clean and pure and pressed tight in strong arms, teased by a talented tongue.

He slid his hand down to Jack's neck, curling there lightly, feeling the heat of his skin while he kissed him back, more hungry, more needing, more wanting to imprint him onto himself, and let the rest of it just disappear.