[TM] 240 - Fear
Jul. 31st, 2008 10:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
onlysayinghelloIn the back of his mind it's somewhat of a joke really. Some distant reminder of a death that should've stuck in place but instead literally stuck him in time. One single moment fixed forever. Forever is a long time too he's learning, but he's had all those years to try and forget. He doesn't though and he relives it on Canary Wharf, and again... the silliest of phrases strike fear deep into his heart. He knows this part though. Recalls it from the archives, from the logs and even then it's still a bit odd how the fragments of time overlap in his mind and things are fine at the time.
Now though it's different. This is his Hub, and his life being lived for at least the thousandth time, and his people and there is no answer in his mind as to just how this is supposed to go. This isn't a memory relived this is today and it's never felt more linear as it does right now.
Right now it drops his stomach and it would make his heart nearly still in his chest if it would take a moment to stop beating so damn rapidly. He's lost so much and now he feels as if he's going to lose it all again. Another path of darkness left for him to walk alone until he can work up the habit to even start it again. It feels wrong and it feels dangerous and all he can do is think to cling close to those he has left, to those he wishes he could've given so much more to.
It's a silly phrase, but it echoes in his dreams, and it reminds him that once upon a time he wasn't so permanent, once upon a time he went down fighting and wasn't supposed to get up.
It's a silly thing to hear, so nearly bold and laughable but it strikes fear into him and a moment of doubt the he knows could last as long as it takes for everyone to be killed. Because that's what they'll do.
That's what they'll do, and there's nothing he can do to stop it.
Not this time.
It's a silly phrase, but he knows it... and he knows it's the truth.
Now though it's different. This is his Hub, and his life being lived for at least the thousandth time, and his people and there is no answer in his mind as to just how this is supposed to go. This isn't a memory relived this is today and it's never felt more linear as it does right now.
Right now it drops his stomach and it would make his heart nearly still in his chest if it would take a moment to stop beating so damn rapidly. He's lost so much and now he feels as if he's going to lose it all again. Another path of darkness left for him to walk alone until he can work up the habit to even start it again. It feels wrong and it feels dangerous and all he can do is think to cling close to those he has left, to those he wishes he could've given so much more to.
It's a silly phrase, but it echoes in his dreams, and it reminds him that once upon a time he wasn't so permanent, once upon a time he went down fighting and wasn't supposed to get up.
It's a silly thing to hear, so nearly bold and laughable but it strikes fear into him and a moment of doubt the he knows could last as long as it takes for everyone to be killed. Because that's what they'll do.
That's what they'll do, and there's nothing he can do to stop it.
Not this time.
It's a silly phrase, but he knows it... and he knows it's the truth.
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no subject
Date: 2008-08-01 04:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-01 06:18 am (UTC)This helped settle the strength of his reaction for me.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-01 07:38 pm (UTC)This isn't a memory relived this is today and it's never felt more linear as it does right now.
This line, and all of it. So perfect.